Lament for a lover

Lament for a lover

My love,

We met on a cloudy day in July. The weather was bleak and the air carried a wave of gloom,
Yet, the moment I saw you, I felt a ray of sunshine broke through the chill and pierce the deepest recess in my soul, making love bloom.

Your smile was infectious, your face prettier than any I had ever seen – those bushy eyebrows, small eyes – seemed like the most beautiful thing,

Your skin, soft as butter; touching it felt like feathers wrapped up in human skin.

We went for a movie, we sat and ate together, we chatted and we clicked pictures – both nervous at the same time. I couldn’t control my blushing and hid my nervousness, by not speaking much.

You may have thought of me as a shy person, but love, I was just breathless to even speak, for merely gazing at you made me dizzy as such.

I drove you back to your home. I knew the date was over and a sense of sadness engulfed me. I was not sure when I would see you again, but you promised to be in touch forever.

I said goodbye and went back home with a heavy heart, filled with equal amount of happiness at having met you and sadness, at the uncertainty of ever seeing you…




My love,

We met again in a fortnight. True to your word, you kept in touch with me.

Our conversations over the phone were the best part of my day.

I knew you could see me fawning over you in the chats, and you played along, making my jaw fall flat.

We spent the rain-less day, riding through the bylanes of town, through the crowded streets of the city to the quietness, where the others would not frown.

This was the day you opened up to me and spoke about your past.
I felt a pang of sadness, after listening how your heart was broken by those wretched ghosts, so fast..

I wish I could kiss you and heal the wounds of your heart, I wish I could tell you how much you meant to me, from the start.

I promised to never break your heart.
Yet, listening to you, I couldn’t help, but feel how much you are stuck in the past.



My Love,

We planned to go on a trip together. You were so excited at the prospect of us travelling together.

The thought of travelling with you was ecstasy.
My joy knew no bounds.

We constantly kept talking about the trip, planning everything to the last detail.

But,

The more we spoke, the more I realised, you never became mine..
You were not yet ready to move on..

You still had feelings for your ex and you never seem to have given up on them,
My mind told me to see the signs, but my heart was too blind to notice them.

I was madly in love with you and anything you said, even if it were the pangs for your previous lover, I chose to overlook them and ignore the desperation of your heart, for the ex.




My Love,

You started speaking less, our talks becoming short, I wondered what has got into you.

I wanted you to open up, and yet you remained cold, becoming distant, at last.

My replies to your messages – within a second.
Your replies to my messages – after many days.

I fooled myself thinking you were busy, that you were caught up in some other stuff.
I hoped against hope that you were still interested in me.

That you still felt the spark which we felt initially.

Days turned to weeks, weeks into months and the isolation continued.

My fool’s hope, refused to believe what was transpiring,
I kept telling myself everything was alright, nothing wrong happening.
You sadly gave up on me, even before you gave me the chance.



My love,

You cancelled the trip and broke off all communication with me,
I accepted our reality, I respected your decision to no longer be with me.

Wiping away the tears, I slowly picked up the broken pieces of my heart, deciding to move on and cope,
It was probably for the best, I hope..

You never once looked back.

Till this day, I wonder.

Was I not worthy enough for you? Where did I falter?
Was it my social status that bothered you? Or Was it my nature?
Was it something I said? Was it something I did?

I cried myself to sleep over these unanswered questions, eventually coming to terms after a long hesitation.
My first love remained incomplete, but alas, I realized it was one sided, with dread.



We met after a long time. Seasons changed, but you did not even once,
Your smile radiated as ever. You spoke as if no time had passed thence.

With a pang of sadness, I realized I was still in love with you,
But, now, someone else too, was in love with you.
You told me, how you have now found ‘The One’,

And I could make out by the joy on your face, how happy you were.
I wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I still loved you,

But, you had a glow on your face that I had never seen before and it was in that moment, I realised, it was best that I let you go.



But know this, my love,

The stars will come and go as they always have, the seasons change with the wind,
But my love for you shall never diminish.

I pray that you find happiness, joy, luck and success in whatever you do.
And may you ever prosper.

My heart will still beat thinking about you, for I shall never stop loving you.